Matilda was left alone. That was how she liked it.
She could move things with her mind and was a god damn genius and you’re jealous of her pancake making.
Damn right I’m jealous of her pancake making. Pancakes are fucking tasty.
Me on the phone: Yeah I’m going to be late to work today.
Me: There’s a cat gang bang happening on top of my car.
Supervisor: Well can’t you break it up?
Me: Who am I to break up a cat gang bang? They’ve probably been organizing it for days on Craigslist.
Supervisor: Good point. See you when you get here.